Hell Hath No Fury Like A Satanic Tomato Scorned
Actually, Hell hath fury exactly like a Satanic Tomato scorned... but regardless, it looks like the socks won this battle. But the Satanic Tomato is waiting... oh yes. He WILL be back, and you will rue the day you voted against him. In the mean-time, here's the BALLAD OF THE BLACK SOCKS (though to be honest, it isn't a ballad... it just sounds good for the title.)
“On antibiotics for middle-ear infection. It rained today. Tonight I do laundry.”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/22/02 (2:03 pm)
“Am now officially boring. Did laundry. Am one sock down.”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/22/02 (4:47 pm)
“The missing sock has not yet turned up. I am suspicious. How far can it have gone? It was black, you know. Black socks don't just fade into the background. (Not unless the background's black, and the flat I'm in is very light-brown-wooden-floors-and-white. No black anywhere.) And if socks set off to seek their fortune or something, why don't they do it in pairs? Why alert us to their mysteries like this?”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/23/02
“The last time I grumbled about socks on this blog, I was missing one sock. Now I seem to be missing all of them. I'm starting to suspect that somewhere in this house there must be a secret drawer filled with socks that no-one's told me about -- or possibly that some huge, stealthy bird in the attic is building a terrifying nest out of black socks. (This last bird-related ponder was not endorsed by the official bird lady of neilgaiman.com who will probably write to let me know that no actual birds build nests out of socks and it's probably some kind of enormous rat, or gnomes.)
This morning I sighed and unwrapped a pair of Bryn Mawr black socks that Holly had given me, because they were all that was left at the back of the sock drawer. Other than those, I am sockless. Tomorrow morning I plan to go around the house with a magnifying glass, looking for the spoor of the missing socks. How far can they have gone? And why this mass exodus?
We, the sockless, demand answers, not mysteries, dammit. I shall keep you informed of any developments.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“Several hundred messages in, 99% of which were funny, or useful, or both, and about socks. I've been referred to http://www.blacksocks.com/ and have already placed my first order, because, well, there's a website for black socks...)”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“[http://www.lonelysocks.co.uk/ is] fine on the one-missing sock aspect of things. But not much help when it's both socks going. All socks going.
And incidentally, no, socks are not the larval form of wire hangers. Paperclips are the larval form of coathangers, which later emerge from their closets as bicycles. Avram Davidson demonstrated this conclusively in his 1954 Hugo award winning short story "or all the seas with oysters". If you don't believe me, you can look it up.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“Well, credit where credit is due. It was Sam Newman, from http://www.magpiebrain.com/ who wrote to tell me about the existence of http://www.blacksocks.com, and who finished his note, I'm in no way affiliated with them, nor in fact do I subscribe to their service - I'm dropping heavy hints around my girlfriend in the hope I get some for Christmas. Is it wrong that I actually want socks of Christmas?
So Sam ought to get the free socks. Not me. (My socks have not yet arrived. Will report back when they do.)”
– Neil Gaiman 10/06/04
“Lisa-from-Harper-Collins gave me all the things I'd been given during the day (including four brand new pairs of black socks. Nice black socks. And do not think I'm not grateful. In fact I'm wearing a pair of them right now,) and she went back to New York.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/09/04
“It's time to hang up my dressing gown (bathrobe if you're American) and go and see if I have pair of jeans anywhere and possibly a black tee shirt. (I wound up with a subscription at http://www.blacksocks.com/ so I know I have socks.)”
-- Neil Gaiman 05/17/05
“The biggest trouble with black clothes is trying to work out which bit of the general blackness in the suitcase in a dimly lit hotel room when you aren't really awake yet is going to turn out to be socks.”
-- Neil Gaiman 09/28/05
Thanks to those who gave me their input, and who cast their votes (regardless of anonymity). We're no American Idol here ate Quotable Neil, but we do like the attention.
“On antibiotics for middle-ear infection. It rained today. Tonight I do laundry.”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/22/02 (2:03 pm)
“Am now officially boring. Did laundry. Am one sock down.”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/22/02 (4:47 pm)
“The missing sock has not yet turned up. I am suspicious. How far can it have gone? It was black, you know. Black socks don't just fade into the background. (Not unless the background's black, and the flat I'm in is very light-brown-wooden-floors-and-white. No black anywhere.) And if socks set off to seek their fortune or something, why don't they do it in pairs? Why alert us to their mysteries like this?”
-- Neil Gaiman 11/23/02
“The last time I grumbled about socks on this blog, I was missing one sock. Now I seem to be missing all of them. I'm starting to suspect that somewhere in this house there must be a secret drawer filled with socks that no-one's told me about -- or possibly that some huge, stealthy bird in the attic is building a terrifying nest out of black socks. (This last bird-related ponder was not endorsed by the official bird lady of neilgaiman.com who will probably write to let me know that no actual birds build nests out of socks and it's probably some kind of enormous rat, or gnomes.)
This morning I sighed and unwrapped a pair of Bryn Mawr black socks that Holly had given me, because they were all that was left at the back of the sock drawer. Other than those, I am sockless. Tomorrow morning I plan to go around the house with a magnifying glass, looking for the spoor of the missing socks. How far can they have gone? And why this mass exodus?
We, the sockless, demand answers, not mysteries, dammit. I shall keep you informed of any developments.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“Several hundred messages in, 99% of which were funny, or useful, or both, and about socks. I've been referred to http://www.blacksocks.com/ and have already placed my first order, because, well, there's a website for black socks...)”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“[http://www.lonelysocks.co.uk/ is] fine on the one-missing sock aspect of things. But not much help when it's both socks going. All socks going.
And incidentally, no, socks are not the larval form of wire hangers. Paperclips are the larval form of coathangers, which later emerge from their closets as bicycles. Avram Davidson demonstrated this conclusively in his 1954 Hugo award winning short story "or all the seas with oysters". If you don't believe me, you can look it up.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/01/04
“Well, credit where credit is due. It was Sam Newman, from http://www.magpiebrain.com/ who wrote to tell me about the existence of http://www.blacksocks.com, and who finished his note, I'm in no way affiliated with them, nor in fact do I subscribe to their service - I'm dropping heavy hints around my girlfriend in the hope I get some for Christmas. Is it wrong that I actually want socks of Christmas?
So Sam ought to get the free socks. Not me. (My socks have not yet arrived. Will report back when they do.)”
– Neil Gaiman 10/06/04
“Lisa-from-Harper-Collins gave me all the things I'd been given during the day (including four brand new pairs of black socks. Nice black socks. And do not think I'm not grateful. In fact I'm wearing a pair of them right now,) and she went back to New York.”
-- Neil Gaiman 10/09/04
“It's time to hang up my dressing gown (bathrobe if you're American) and go and see if I have pair of jeans anywhere and possibly a black tee shirt. (I wound up with a subscription at http://www.blacksocks.com/ so I know I have socks.)”
-- Neil Gaiman 05/17/05
“The biggest trouble with black clothes is trying to work out which bit of the general blackness in the suitcase in a dimly lit hotel room when you aren't really awake yet is going to turn out to be socks.”
-- Neil Gaiman 09/28/05
Thanks to those who gave me their input, and who cast their votes (regardless of anonymity). We're no American Idol here ate Quotable Neil, but we do like the attention.
posted by Really_Rather_Not_Nice at 2:10 PM
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